


Fuck it

by Wolfchesters



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Coming In Pants, Coming Untouched, Daryl Dixon/Rick Grimes Feels, Daryl Dixon/Rick Grimes Smut, Desperation, Developing Relationship, Drunkenness, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Feelings, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Gore, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Major Character Injury, Masturbation, Near Death Experiences, Neck Kissing, Oral Sex, Outdoor Sex, Past Lori Grimes/Rick Grimes, Porn With Plot, Post-Terminus, Public Blow Jobs, Public Hand Jobs, Public Masturbation, Rutting, Shower Sex, Smut, Terminus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2015-07-12
Packaged: 2018-03-22 17:19:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3737158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfchesters/pseuds/Wolfchesters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daryl becomes resigned and distant while the group is trapped in the train car at Terminus and Rick goes to comfort him. Little did he know, that would lead to so much more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at Daryl/Rick and my first attempt at actual smut. also this is unbetaed so all mistakes are my own

The first time Rick and Daryl kissed, they were both terrified. It was dark and cold and they were trapped in a train car. Everyone was hungry and afraid and exhausted including Daryl. He was sat, by himself, in a corner of the car, shivering with his arms wrapped around himself. No one in the group could think of a possible scenario that would lead to their escape. Everybody had lost hope and that was what scared Daryl most. Every time the group got into trouble, someone would have an idea, a thought, something that would help them but now, all seemed lost. Even Rick seemed drained. Daryl had never seen him the way he was now, resigned, fearful and hopeless. He always had something uplifting to say, he always had a wise pep talk of some kind to get them through but now… Now all he could do was comfort his boy and pray they got out of here alive.

The group had tried to ambush the outsiders when they came to give them food but each time they failed. They had started creating makeshift weapons, literally, from the clothes on their backs but they meant nothing when they couldn’t get a shot of using them.

What made Daryl feel worse was that everyone seemed to have someone to comfort them. Glenn and Maggie had each other, Carl, Rick and Michonne could turn to each other, Sasha had Bob, Abraham had Rosita, Eugene had Abraham and Tara could lean on anyone when it came down to it. This lead to Daryl sitting in a corner, far from everyone else, shivering and scared. He was painfully, pitifully alone.

____

Rick saw Daryl sitting alone all the way at the opposite end of the train car. Other people had seen him and said something to one another, but no one had actually gone to comfort him. It’s not like Rick blamed them, Daryl was scary sometimes and he was rough around the edges and his bite was certainly worse than his bark, but these were desperate times and on occasion, even someone like Daryl needs a shoulder to lean on.

Rick stood up and eased his sleeping boy onto the shoulder of Michonne who was sitting on the other side of him before making the trip across to Daryl. The heels of his boots echoed on the metal floor as he walked and Daryl looked up as he heard Rick coming. Rick could see the relief in Daryl’s eyes as he approached and he heard a sigh as he sat down beside him.

There were several small holes in the roof of the car and by the light streaming through from the outside, Rick saw Daryl. He saw the sunken, red eyes frown lines that were more prominent than ever. Saw the beard and greasy hair that were both at a length now that Rick found alarmingly attractive.

“Hey, brother,” Daryl said in barely more than a whisper.

Rick placed a heavy arm across Daryl’s shoulders and was surprised when the other man didn’t protest. Rick was even more surprised when Daryl leant into him. Rick took this as an invitation and pulled Daryl in, resting his chin on the other man’s head.

After the years the pair had spent together, after the heartbreak and tragedy that the two of them had witnessed and been a part of, it wasn’t at all astonishing that they had formed a bond. Within the confines of the group, Daryl was Rick’s closest companion, someone that he could truly rely on and Rick would be lying if he said he hadn’t looked at Daryl and seen more than just a confidant. It was true, Daryl was an attractive man and Rick wasn’t going to deny that but he wasn’t going to shout it from the rooftops either. This group, these relationships, they are all fragile and adding something like repressed feelings and confusing friend-to-lover dynamics into the mix would put a strain on everything.

Rick tried to decide what to do and how he felt and how it would affect the group but it was a difficult thing to do when there are other things to worry about but recently, he seemed to have a bit of extra time for those sorts of things.

Basically, it all boiled down to them all likely dying and the whole “fuck it” principal so when Daryl leaned into him and Rick felt his breathing against his chest and his warmth through his shirt, he thought “fuck it”.

____

Rick putting his arm around Daryl was exactly what he needed. He was drained, physically and mentally and having someone there to care about him and support him was exactly what he needed. So he all but collapsed against Rick’s side and heaved an exhausted sort of sigh slash moan and stayed there. He could sense the tension in Rick and Daryl was afraid that he had done something wrong, that maybe Rick was expecting him to shrug him off and say he was fine or maybe Rick was still trying to figure a way out of this mess and all that Daryl could sense was the cogs in Rick’s brain spinning a million mile an hour. But Daryl didn’t care. He was too tired to care. He didn’t even care how child-like he must look to everyone else cuddled up against Rick.

His eyes were just drooping shut when he felt Rick move against him. He almost panicked, thinking that Rick was going to leave, but then he settled back down again. Except this time the arm that was around Daryl’s shoulders was now around his waist and his hand was resting on Daryl’s stomach, less than an inch away from Daryl’s own hand. If Daryl weren’t so tired, he might have raised his eyebrows but now, in the vulnerable, pliable state he was in, Daryl moved his hand slightly and tucked it between the heat of Rick’s and his own stomach with nothing but the burning need for comfort on his mind.

He felt Rick’s fingers tighten around his own and he swore he felt Rick plant a kiss to the top of Daryl’s head. This was all getting too romantic and flowery as it was so Daryl craned his neck up to challenge Rick about it and Rick was already looking straight down at him. Rick’s bearded face loomed above Daryl and in their little corner, hidden from the rest of the group by the huge metal, sliding door, Daryl found his eyes glued to Rick’s lips, still stained with blood and partly hidden in his wiry, grey beard. Daryl saw Rick’s lips move and he must have said something and he would have asked him to repeat it but all of a sudden Rick's lips were on his and Daryl somehow managed to raise his eyebrows in surprise. After a few moments, Rick pulled away and looked down at Daryl.

“I’m sorry, Daryl, that was stupid of me. It’s just, this place – I shouldn’t have and I – it’s not – “

Daryl tangled his fingers into Rick’s beard and pulled his face down, probably rougher than was necessary, capturing Rick’s lips in his own and cutting him off in the process. The kiss grew deeper and more aggressive, eventually turning into a desperate clash of teeth and tongue. Rick's hands were everywhere, they were caught in Daryl’s hair, pulling and scratching and down his back, under his shirt, tugging at his belt. Both of their breathing was ragged and heavy and there was no way that they were being quiet about this but they didn’t care. They both needed this.

It was over too soon but their need for oxygen outweighed their animalistic desires (only just) and all of a sudden, Rick was glad that Carl was asleep because the door didn’t conceal as much as he thought it did. It definitely didn’t hide where his hand was planted under the waistband of Daryl’s jeans.

Daryl was still processing what just went down when he heard Rick let out a low groan above him. He hadn’t noticed, but when Daryl settled back down, he accidentally placed an elbow on Rick’s crotch and now that he was actually paying attention, he could feel that Rick was sporting one hell of a hard on.

Without even thinking, Daryl leaned back and worked on unbuckling Rick’s belt. He took one last look to see if they were both adequately concealed, before shoving his hand unceremoniously into Rick’s briefs. It took him a few seconds to find his way past the layers of denim and cotton but as soon as his fingers wrapped around Rick’s length, Rick’s head fell back against the wall of the train car with a dull thud. He let out another groan as Daryl started to jerk awkwardly inside his jeans. Daryl swiped a thumb over the head of Rick’s cock which elicited a guttural moan from Rick’s open mouth. Daryl squeezed and pulled, working with the limited space he was given while simultaneously palming his own erection. Daryl lifted his hand from his crotch and tangled his fingers in Rick's beard again, stroked his cheek and ran his thumb over his lips. Rick sucked the thumb into his mouth, whether it was to be playful or just to stifle his own whimpers and groans, Daryl didn’t care because the wet damp heat and the pressure and the feeling of Rick sucking on him made his cock ache with pleasure.

It was awkward and sloppy but Daryl was committed and within a few heated minutes, Rick was shaking and moaning and Daryl’s thumb was not doing the job so Daryl had to clamp his mouth over Rick’s as he moaned. His hips gave one final jerk up into Daryl’s hand before Rick was spilling hot and hard over Daryl’s fist and the inside of his underwear.

It took Rick a few minutes to wind down from his orgasm but in that time Daryl had cleaned of his hand and zipped Rick’s jeans back up. Daryl was just buckling Rick’s belt when he finally got his bearings and his head lifted up from the wall. “That was…” Rick sighed heavily and let his shoulders sag and his head loll to the side. “Yeah” was all Daryl could say since his cock was still painfully hard and neglected.

Rick sat up straight, turned and leant against the side of the door so he was facing Daryl straight on. This way, Rick was hidden better and Daryl was blocked from view by Rick. Rick gestured for Daryl to sit between his legs and he did as he was told, sitting awkwardly in front of Rick with his legs crossed. Rick grabbed each of his legs, uncrossed them and pulled forward, wrapping them around his waist so the two of them were practically chest to chest and Daryl’s legs were trapped between Rick’s back and the huge metal door.

‘Rick, you don’t have to return the favour, I can take care of myself.” Rick ran both hands up the side of Daryl’s neck and into his hair. He leant forward and sucked a large bruise onto Daryl neck. When he came up for air he said, “I want to,” and went back to work, biting and nibbling at Daryl’s neck and soothing it over with his tongue. Rick left a wet trail all the way down Daryl’s neck to his collarbone which he nibbled and sucked at while Daryl went mad, panting and heaving. Rick stopped there, letting out a frustrated groan, for the rest of Daryl’s chest disappeared beneath his worn vest and button-down. Instead of tackling the fiddly buttons, Rick moved his hands down to Daryl’s waist and unbuckled his belt in no time. He unbuttoned Daryl’s jeans, his erection gaining some freedom but still straining against his boxers. Rick admired the large wet patch on the front of Daryl’s briefs and palmed at Daryl’s cock through the thin cotton. He then pulled the elastic over Daryl’s erection and let it settle back under his balls.

Daryl expected a quick, hasty hand job just to be polite so he could go back to the group and pretend nothing happened. What he didn’t expect was for Rick to lean over and swallow his cock down until it hit the back of his throat. Daryl barely contained himself. He was leaning back on his hands with his head thrown back and his mouth wide open using all his strength not to cry out. The hot, wet, oh god fuck, depth of Rick’s mouth was heaven. It was torture to keep quiet and he could tell Rick was loving it. Teasing the slit with his tongue and swallowing him down to the base again, licking the whole underside of his shaft and using his deft, clever fingers to play with his heavy balls. Daryl squirmed and jerked his hips when Rick’s nose tickled the hairs at the base of his cock again. This was murder and it was nearing impossible to stay quiet and hold out at the same time. He didn’t want to embarrass himself by coming to soon but it wasn’t going to be an option for much longer.

Daryl’s hips were shaking and he could no longer control the jerking movements that they were making. He knew it was going to be a matter of seconds before he blew his load and he knew he had to warn Rick but he didn’t trust himself to make a sound without crying out or screaming in sheer pleasure. He reached out with one hand, the other still planted firmly on the floor, to pull on Rick’s hair in order to warn him. He must have got the message because he pulled away from Daryl’s cock with a small _pop_ and started pumping Daryl with his fist in an easy rhythm. Daryl lifted his other hand from the floor and cupped Rick’s face, kissing him desperately as he finally flew over the edge and came, hard, all over Rick’s fist. His mind went blank and the edges of his vision had gone black. It was like little black dots were floating in front of him and he kept his lips planted on Rick’s to keep him grounded.

Daryl had no idea how long it had been, how long that white hot pleasure was burning in every one of his nerves. All he knew for sure was that there was fire in his veins. When he finally came to, his pants were zipped and Rick was licking his neck lazily in between feather light kisses. Daryl pushed back on Rick’s chest and he detached himself from Daryl’s neck just to find himself reattached to his lips. Daryl broke the kiss and Rick shifted forward so Daryl could untangle his legs which he did, somewhat awkwardly and collapse back into his corner. They stayed silent for a while, neither knowing what to say to the other. Rick was the first to speak.

“Uh, that was…” It wasn't much of a sentence but it was something.

“Yeah,” Daryl replied. They were both as pathetic as each other.

The only thing that they both knew for certain was that they both needed comfort and they had found it in each other.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Daryl find some alone time in the woods, away from Terminus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the first chapter was an actual hit (which is a first for me) so i decided to add a part two :))

By some miracle, by the grace of God, they had gotten out of that fucking place alive. All of them. Every single one of them made it out of Terminus with barely more than a scratch on them. Granted Glenn was seconds away from having his throat slit and his head bashed in, but still, it was a positive outcome and Daryl had decided to look on the bright side.

The sun was streaming through the canopy of leaves above him and Daryl had never been so glad to feel see it. They were locked in that train car for barely even a week and Daryl had already began to miss the outside world. On some weird level, he missed looking over his shoulder and setting walker traps and fighting for his life. It was better than being locked up by a bunch of fruit cakes, no contest.

The group was trekking through the woods after having collected their bag of concealed weapons, met up with Carol and Tyreese and ran for as long as they could to get some sort of head start. Now their only plan was to head north, up through the forest and get to a highway or a road and maybe score some supplies.

Daryl was lagging toward the back with Carol by his side, watching Rick who was way up the front of the pack (as was his birth right, apparently) snuggling and playing with Judith. Daryl was just happy to have Carol back and he was more than happy to see Lil Asskicker with her dad and brother again. It felt as though today was a total win.

Daryl had had a smug little smile on his face the whole time since they breeched the fence at Terminus and it hadn’t gone unnoticed.

“What are you smirking at, young man?” Carol asked him. He looked down at her, readjusting his bow on his shoulder, and winked.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Ha!” Carol barked

“Don’t get your panties in a bunch. It just feels like a good day, you know.”

“Yeah, I understand.” Carol said, her eyes flickering towards Tyreese.

The pair fell back into comfortable silence.

Daryl’s eyes found their way back, to Rick who had now fallen behind a little and was only a few meters ahead of him. Carl had stayed ahead with Judith in his arms, joined by Michonne and Abraham so it wasn’t as if Rick was leaving his children in unsafe hands.

Daryl began to notice that Rick was falling further and further back with every step he took, people gradually catching up and passing him. He looked back and smiled at Daryl, stopped completely, and waiting for him to catch up. Carol sped up slightly, thinking Daryl wouldn’t notice, leaving the two of them alone, bringing up the rear of the group.

“What’re you some school girl now, hanging back to wait for her boyfriend?” Daryl drawled, that same smug smiled creeping back onto his features.

“I ain’t no girl,” Rick said, “and you ain’t my boyfriend,” he added, elbowing Daryl in the ribs. It was hard to tell whether Rick was genuinely upset but Daryl decided not to dwell on it, what with looking on the bright side and all.

They walked in tandem, following the rest of the group absentmindedly, completely silent.

The sun was setting, casting long dark shadows on the ground in front of them and Abraham called out from the front to inform everyone that they would be stopping to set up camp soon. Rick immediately volunteered himself and Daryl to scout for firewood, telling the rest of the group that they would be back within an hour.

“The hell, man?” Daryl said as the pair had steered themselves off the path into the surrounding trees. Daryl was about to complain about ‘too much walking’ and ‘exhaustion’ but before he could get another word out, Rick had grabbed him roughly by the shoulder and pinned him against a nearby tree. A small “oh” was all Daryl could say before Rick grabbed his neck and latched onto his mouth in a desperate search for pleasure.

The bark was digging into Daryl’s back but he ignored it, instead busying himself with running his fingers through Rick’s thick grey curls. Rick was nibbling and sucking, at one stage biting down on Daryl’s bottom lip hard enough to draw blood but Daryl didn’t care. He moaned into the kiss, pulling at Rick’s hair to angle him just where he wanted. Rick’s hands roamed away from Daryl’s neck, down his back to finally rest on his waist. They stayed that way, locked in a desperate embrace, seeking comfort in the warm depths of each other’s mouths.

Rick shoved a thigh between Daryl’s legs and chuckled when Daryl immediately started to rut against it. Rick broke away from the kiss and leant back to admire Daryl. His eyes were squeezed shut in concentration, his face and neck were both flushed and his breaths came in heavy pants. Daryl’s head fell back against the tree and Rick could feel his legs start to tremor and shake. He knew Daryl was close and it made his cock ache knowing how quick and easy it was to get him off, how sensitive and desperate he was.

“Fuck, Rick,” Daryl moaned, pulling on Rick’s hips in pure desperation, frantic to get more friction. Daryl gasped and hunched forward, falling into Rick’s chest as he climaxed, spilling hot and hard into his jeans.

It took Daryl a while to recover but Rick didn’t mind, he supported Daryl until he was ready to carry his full weight. Daryl straightened up and cringed at the feeling of his slowly drying seed inside his pants.

“Fuck, you’re lucky that was worth it. Feels fucking awful.”

Rick chuckled and replied, “You’re tellin’ me.”

Daryl looked up at Ricks face, split into a knowing grin. He let his gaze wander down to Rick’s crotch and snorted out a laugh when he saw the wet patch on the front of his.

“Fuck man, I didn’t even touch ya.”

Rick blushed and ducked his head but Daryl would have none of it. He reached out and grabbed Rick’s chin, forcing him to look him in the eyes. Daryl planted a rough, open mouthed kiss on Rick’s lips before pulling away and saying, “don’t need to be embarrassed, it was fucking hot.”

Daryl leant in and placed a soft kiss under Rick’s ear, just above where his beard started, before trying to readjust himself inside his jeans.

“We should probably get some fire wood. People might suspect something if we come back empty handed.” Rick said.

“Let em talk,” Daryl replied, giving a playful kick to Rick’s ass as he walked away further into the woods, obviously searching the forest floor for an alibi.

“I think you run your mouth enough for the whole group,” said Rick, quickly dodging a second, less playful kick from behind.

END

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave me feedback i would really really appreciate it. also feel free to leave prompts in the comments or on my tumblr (oakenchester)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick makes a personal discovery??

The church was one of the group's many saving graces. It was alike in many ways to the prison; it provided safety, it had seen tragedy and it had seen death. Rick knew it wasn't, and could never be, permanent but it provided the group with a place to take a breath and think of a more long term and sustainable plan.

Rick was doing just that. It couldn't have been later than nine o'clock and Rick was sitting alone outside the church on the wooden steps. He knew he had been there a while since the sun had still been up when he'd first sat down. Carl had come out at one stage to bring him something to eat but that was over an hour ago and since then, the heavy wooden doors of the church had remained shut.

Rick heard a loud round of laughter from inside. Abraham's deep booming chortles were the last to die down and Rick found himself standing up to head inside. He froze on the top step and turned back around. He reclaimed his place on the bottom step, thinking that his presence inside would be nothing but a weight on the atmosphere, like a damp cloth on a helium balloon.

Rick's mind began to wander. He thought back to the prison, a once safe fortress, hiding them all from the evils that lurked beyond the fence. He thought of his children and how close he had come to losing them so many times. His thoughts flicked briefly to Lori and he cursed himself for it. It was painful enough to see her reflected in the faces of his son and daughter so Rick did everything he could to always keep thoughts of her at bay. He forced himself to think of other things, to busy himself, to take on other responsibilities just to keep his mind occupied.

Eventually, as Rick knew it would, his mind wandered to thoughts of Daryl. He pictured his face, the taut tanned muscles of his arms, his piercing blue eyes partly hidden by curtains of mahogany hair. He thought of his warm touch and the sounds that spewed from his mouth that day in the woods. Rick swore he could still recall the taste of his mouth and the feel of his-

"Rick?"

Light was spilling from the open doors of the church onto the wooden steps, casting a long odd shadow in front of Rick who didn't turn around in fear of someone discovering his growing erection. He sensed someone coming closer and heard the heels of their shoes against the wooden of the steps. Rick looked to his left when the person sat down, his arms crossed tightly in his lap. It was Carol.

"You've been out here a while" she says, "Carl and Judith are asleep but the rest of us are worried. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine Carol and I appreciate your concern but it seems like I'm the only one that's trying to figure a way out of this, to try and decide what we're gonna do next and I thought we decided before that Iwas  _done_  making the damned decisions!"

"Rick, it isn't always down to you. You have a whole group of capable people who are willing to share the load. You just have to be willing to." Carol was making perfect sense, some part of Rick knew that, but another part was screaming at him not to let anyone in, telling him that the only right decision was his decision. But Rick wasn't in the mood to argue or to try and explain to Carol what kind of shit was going on in his brain so muttered a soft "thanks Carol" and stood up.

He was planning on going inside, he really was. He was going to tuck his children in, communicate with his people and get some sleep himself but something stopped him. He was going to turn around and walk straight through the open doors but instead he stepped down and made his way around to the back of the church, ignoring Carol's hushed protests.

Rick found himself, again, running his fingers over the cruel words carved into the church wall. He wondered what awful things happened here and what Father Gabriel was guilty of. Was he a murderer? A rapist? Did deny people shelter? Had he forsaken his faith and refused to leave the church? Were his children were safe in there with him or did Gabriel fall into the 'pedophilic priest' stereotype?

Okay, Rick seriously doubted that last one. He had arrested sickos like that before, he knew the look, and Gabriel really did not strike him as the type. But still, he must have done something awful to drive someone to carve a threat into what was supposed to be a holy structure. Even more so, because to Rick, it seemed to be carved in with a person's fingernail.

Rick took a step backward, withdrawing his hand from the carving. His mind was already full to the brink with worries and responsibilities, he didn't need anything else to weigh him down. What he needed was a game plan, a strategy, fucking  _something,_ anything that resembled a long term plan. He knew Carol was right and that he had plenty of people to turn to but Rick couldn't see past his own priorities. He needed to keep his children safe and out of harm’s way and he didn't trust anyone else to do that except himself.

The sound of twigs snapping put Rick on guard. His hand flew instinctively to his gun, un-holstered it and pointed it in the direction of the sound. There were no walkers, no one from Terminus, no rapist murderers who lost their faith and take a liking to children like Rick had feared. It was just Daryl.

"Don't arrest me officer." Daryl said, holding his hands up in mock surrender. "I'm serious man, point that thing somewhere else" he added when Rick had not lowered his gun.

"Sorry," Rick said, re-holstering his weapon.

"What're you doin out here, Rick?"

"I'm not sure. Looking for answers, I guess..." It was more of a question than an answer but Daryl understood. He had felt the same worries about Gabriel and wanted the same questions answered.

"We've barely spoken..." Daryl said and by the light of the moon, Rick could see him duck his head and toe the ground with his boot. He had never seen Daryl like this; nervous and shy.

"Aw, Daryl don't go soft on me, now" Rick replied, taking two tentative steps forward, closing the distance between them.

"Rick, I didn't come out here for you to give me shit. I just don't want to pretend that this doesn't mean anything to me, that  _you_  don't mean anything to me. And it's totally fine if what we did was just a release or something for you, I get it, but it wasn't for me and I want you to know that." Daryl had taken a few small steps back as he spoke and had crossed his arms firmly across his chest. Although his stance read as confident, he still wouldn't look Rick in the eye.

Rick, again, closed the distance between them and before Daryl could do anything, Rick had captured his lips in a soft kiss. It was so unlike Rick to be gentle about things, especially considering their last few encounters like this, but Rick moved his lips in a slow, delicate rhythm over Daryl's and cupped his face tenderly in his calloused hands.

The kiss seemed to last a life time. Daryl stood there, dumbfounded, with his hands still crossed against his chest as Rick kissed him, passionately and without shame. When Rick finally broke the kiss, he left his hands on either side of Daryl's face.

"You're a fucking idiot if you think, even for a second, that you don't mean anything to me. It wasn't just for comfort, it wasn't just a release, it was nothing like that. It  _meant_  something, Daryl."

"Alright, now we got that out of the way; I got a massive boner here so can we move on from the lovey-dovey shit and take care of that, please?"

* * *

Rick had to keep a straight face. He had to keep a hold of his sanity and strength and pretend to keep it together. He had to do it for the benefit of everyone else. He needed the rest of his people to think Daryl and Carol would come back, even if he was terrified that they wouldn’t.

Rick couldn’t show his fear and worries because it would scare everyone else. They all look to him for guidance and if his strength and confidence wavers, then so will theirs.

It was a difficult burden to carry; being the leader, but Rick couldn’t imagine it being any different. He had tried to give up his position while they were at the prison, but it didn’t last. So for as long as his people needed him to lead, he would. He would not shy away.

But right now, Rick wished that someone else would step up to the plate and give him a break.

Sasha was laying on the couch in Gabriel’s office, fast asleep and covered in the jacket Bob had been wearing before he died, Maggie, Glenn, Tara, Abraham, Rosita and Eugene had left in the bus headed for Washington, Tyreese was around the back of the church digging graves for Bob and the people from Terminus that they had mutilated the night before, Carl was inside with Judith and Gabriel and Michonne was sitting with Rick outside on the steps of the church.

It was just past midday and the sun was beating down on their shoulders sending rivers of sweat down their backs.

“I know you’re worrying, Rick. I just want you to know that you don’t have to hide it with me. I get that you have to do it with everyone else but not with me.”

Rick turned his head to watch Michonne. She was looking straight ahead, the sunlight making her features glow and again, Rick was struck by how beautiful she was. It wasn’t the first time he’d noticed that she was a stunning woman and maybe, in another life, they would end up together, but not in this one. To Rick, Michonne was a companion, someone he depended on. And in any case, Rick wasn’t sure if vaginas were even his thing anymore.

Rick should just say thank you and return to his look out duties but lately, Rick didn’t seem to be very predictable.

“I don’t know if it’s just this messed up world or a distraction or the living in each others’ pockets or what but…”

Rick rubbed his hands roughly over his bearded face, letting out a long slow breath as Michonne placed a comforting hand just between his shoulder blades. “Rick?” she said, her voice full of concern.

“Fuck, Michonne, I think I love him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so some feedback? what are you guys thinking? what do you want to see for the next chapter(s?)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> blowjobs in the shower, Rick gets carried away...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive had writers block for the last week or so and im sorry to the people following the story (if there are any lol) but here is a short little chapter to build up to a bigger plot :))))

Telling someone that you love them for the first time is supposed to be a stressful thing. Your palms are meant to sweat and your heart should flutter and you should feel like you’re about to be sick. Telling someone you love them for the first time should _not_ be a slip of the tongue. It shouldn’t fall out of your mouth while you’re in the middle of the most intense orgasm of your life.

When you tell someone you love someone for the first time, it should be over a candlelit dinner or under the stars or while you’re dancing around each other in the kitchen trying to get ready for work. It should _not_ be in a cramped shower cubicle with jets of hot water beating down on your back while the other person is on their knees giving you the most amazing blow job you’ve ever had, and your teenage son is asleep in the next room.

But, unfortunately, Rick has never been one for following rules.

And in his defence, he was totally new at this. Daryl was the first person he had been with since Lori died, not to mention the first man he had ever been with. Well, sure, he and Shane had fooled around in high school but that was a long time ago and there weren’t actual feelings involved. They both grew out of it eventually. It was completely different with Daryl. Rick didn’t know if he was in love with Daryl, all he knew was that he had only felt this way once in his life, and that was when he met Lori.

So there he was, in the shower, head against the tiled wall with his mouth open and his eyes squeezed shut while Daryl licked, sucked and lapped at his cock. It was indescribable, Rick’s skin was on fire and he felt alive for the first time in months.

 His hips had taken on a mind of their own, jerking forward, trying to find something more, anything else that would drive him off the edge. Rick felt the heat pool in his belly and he knew it wouldn’t take much more, and holy shit the sounds Daryl was making should be illegal, he grasped the back of Daryl’s hair, fingers latching on to thick clumps of wet hair, snapped his hips forward one, two, three times and spilt into Daryl’s mouth.

Rick’s vision went black. Or were his eyes closed? He couldn’t tell. He didn’t know which way was up. Everything was black and whispered “I love you”s. He could hear Daryl coughing and spitting and he knew he should open his eyes and check on him but it was all too difficult. Instead, Rick let his knees give way and he sunk slowly onto the shower floor, his naked back sliding down the cold tiles.

He wasn’t sure if Daryl was still there until he felt a pair of wet lips touch his forehead and heard the shower door open and close. He heard Daryl patter around the bathroom on wet feet and eventually heard him exit the room completely.

* * *

 

“Daryl?” Rick walked into the main bedroom of the house with a towel around his waist to find Daryl sitting on the end of the bed fully clothed. His hair was still wet and dripping all over his face, as if he didn’t even attempt to dry it.

Rick sat next to Daryl on the unmade bed and waited for him to say something. Rick knew he’d gotten wrapped up in the moment and had maybe neglected Daryl a little for his own pleasure and he felt awful. That wasn’t the person he wanted to be. He cared about Daryl a lot, he felt for him in a way he didn’t think he could ever manage after losing Lori. He wanted nothing more than to protect him and keep him safe even if Daryl could do it on his own.

“I think we should stop Rick. Whatever we are to each other, I don’t want it anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhh cliffhanger. Poor Rick :(  
> Stay tuned!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl takes time to think about what happened... little bit of smut ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i know ive taken forever to update and this chapter isnt my best but ive been blocked for ages and it took me forever to write this.

The best thing about Alexandria was probably the booze. Daryl had free access to all the alcohol he wanted.

He had no idea why people would think it was a priority when they were scavenging, but for some reason, they had come across a whole lot of it. Maybe they had found a liquor store that hadn’t been stripped yet. Either way, Daryl didn’t care.

As soon as he walked out of the door of that house, Daryl headed straight to the pantry. The people manning the pantry had already grown fond of him due to his ties with Carol, so they let him take a bottle of whiskey for free, no trades necessary.

The moon was full and bright and reflected off the glass bottle as Daryl walked towards the gate. Spencer was on guard duty and shot Daryl a quizzical when the hunter walked straight past him and out the gate without a word. It was around ten thirty when Daryl left. It surprised him how easily he began to rely on time now. Before Alexandria it was either night or day and that was it, now its morning, afternoon, dinner time, lunch time. It was strangely normal and strangely comforting.

Daryl didn’t know where he intended to go or what he intended to do but he kept walking, his crossbow hanging heavy across his back and his hand clasped firmly around the bottle of whiskey. His hair was still wet from the shower and he brushed it roughly out of his face with his free hand. The moisture was irritating and the cold biting air was not helping. Daryl’s hands were shaking and he cursed himself for not grabbing his jacket before he walked out of the house.

Daryl walked for almost half an hour before he swung his bow off his shoulder and sat down heavily on the ground with his back against a thick rotting log. He stretched his legs out and buttoned his vest closed in an effort to keep warm before he cracked the seal on the whiskey. He raised the bottle to his chapped lips and gulped down the glistening, amber liquid. In one breath, over a quarter of the bottle was already gone.

Daryl knew that it wouldn’t take much to get buzzed since he hadn’t drank alcohol in over a year but this feeling couldn’t come quick enough.

No one had ever told Daryl that they loved him. Not his brother, not his father, not his mom. No one. Until now.

How could Rick say that? If he said it, then he must mean it, right? Or maybe it was a heat of the moment thing and he didn’t mean to say it at all, maybe it just slipped out. Yeah, of course, it just slipped out. He didn’t mean it, it was just a mistake.

Daryl let out a long, slow breath and leant harder against the log, letting his head hang back. The night sky was cloudless, so dark it was as if someone had thrown a blanket over the earth and shut out all the light. Daryl sighed again and wondered why those words out of Rick’s mouth scared him so much. Even if he had meant it, would it really be so bad to be loved by someone as kind and brave as Rick Grimes?

Daryl could feel the alcohol taking effect already. His face felt heated even in the cold night air, his limbs were heavier than they usually were and his mind felt foggy. For the first time in a long time, he felt at ease. Even in the middle of the woods in the dead of night when the undead could attack him at any second, he felt at ease. Daryl guessed that was the best thing about alcohol; it had a way of making every worry disappear.

Daryl sighed again and took another long swig of whiskey. It burnt on its way down and he savoured the pain. It made him feel alive.

Daryl remembered the last time he was drunk; with Beth. He remembered holding her hand and listening to her sing. He remembered the pain in his chest when he ran out of the funeral home to find her missing. He remembered his aching muscles after hours of running, trying desperately to catch a trail.

Daryl tilted the bottle of alcohol up above his face, watching the golden liquid catch the light of the moon. Half the bottle was already gone and he could feel it everywhere. He closed his eyes and let the night air wash over his face. He thought of Rick and the long tanned lengths of his arms, his muscular back and thighs, that little curl of hair that wrapped around the bottom of his left ear. Daryl’s hand crept down the front of his pants and he palmed himself through the rough material. God, he was getting hard just from thinking about him.

He let his mind wander back to just over an hour before; on his knees, hot water hitting his back and Rick’s heavy cock in his mouth. He could recall the taste, he could remember how the muscles of Rick’s thighs moved and twitched under his touch.

Daryl set the half empty bottle down on the ground next to him and used both hands to unzip his pants. He was fully erect now and he couldn’t help but let out a moan when he finally wrapped a hand around himself. He was even more sensitive than he usually was, after walking out on Rick he didn’t get the chance to take care of the erection he’d gotten in the shower.

His strokes sped up and he increased the pressure, using his free hand to push his still damp hair out of his face. Daryl knew he wasn’t going to last, not with such filthy thoughts and memories floating around in his mind. He swiped a thumb over the head of his cock and let out a sharp gasp at the sensation.

A matter of seconds after that, Daryl was spilling all over his fist, breath heavy and ragged and hips stuttering helplessly. The bliss from the orgasm mixed with the haze from the alcohol was unreal. Daryl hadn’t felt this good in a long time and he didn’t want it to end; he took another long gulp of whiskey with his clean hand until there was only a quarter of the bottle left. His other hand was sticky and caught the light of the moon when he moved to wipe in on the grass next to him.

Daryl tucked himself back into his pants and braced himself on the log behind him as he stood up. Just the act of standing made his head spin. He could feel the blood pumping through his body, generating a satisfying hum.

Daryl didn’t know exactly where he wanted to go. He didn’t know if he wanted to go back to the camp or if he should walk off his stupor before he went back and made a fool of himself or said something he regretted. He stooped down and picked up his bow and started walking in the direction that he came. He left the bottle of whiskey where it was thinking that he didn’t need any more of that shit in his veins at the moment.

Daryl figured that he’d make up his mind as he walked. Who knew, maybe the fresh night air would clear his head before he even made it back.

Daryl thought of what he was going to say to Rick when he saw him. Should he apologise? Did he even do anything wrong? God he didn’t even want to talk, all he wanted to do was kiss him like there was no tomorrow, because fuck, there might not be. It didn’t matter if Rick meant what he said or not, if he didn’t, then they could simply go on as they had been, no harm done. But if he did… Well, Daryl would cross that bridge when he came to it.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have plans for the next few chapters so you may want to stay tuned... i have wicked, wicked ideas...


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl gets himself into trouble...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in advance: please dont hate me

Most of the time, Daryl could say he had an almost superhuman sense of direction, but right now, he was failing miserably. Daryl had walked through the gate of Alexandria, turned left into the woods and walked due west for just under an hour. He knew this, and yet somehow he’d gotten lost.

He’d been walking for over an hour since he left that clearing and he hadn’t seen anything that looked even vaguely familiar. Granted, it was pitch black, but even in the dark, Daryl was usually in his element.

Daryl’s head was still cloudy and his limbs still felt three times heavier than they usually were, he had just passed through another clearing when he heard it; that deathly, sickening moan that Daryl knew all too well. The sound made the hairs stand up on the back of his neck and his mind became instantly clear. His instincts kicked in and he stopped dead in his tracks, crouched down, cocked his head to the side and listened.

The sounds were coming from his left but they weren’t as distant as he first thought. The walkers must be just behind the trees right next to him. Daryl silently swung his crossbow off his shoulder and loaded an arrow into the barrel and pulled the string back into the latch. He stood up, squaring his shoulders and lifting his bow to position it horizontally in front of him. He pointed it blindly into the trees, estimating where he thought the walkers were.

Daryl stood stock still, listening keenly as the figures stumbled over branches and snapped twigs as they walked. Daryl’s ears told him that the walkers were moving away from him and because it was dark and he was unprepared, he let them go. He stayed rooted to the spot for several minutes after that, just to make sure there weren’t any more surprises lurking in the darkness.

Daryl lowered his bow and decided that he could not stay outside the walls any longer. Since his head was now clear, he looked up. He could see the Big Dipper constellation through the gaps in the branches above him. After locating the North Star, Daryl realised that he had been walking in the wrong direction the whole time. He cursed himself, turned around and started his long trek back to Alexandria.

After a while, Daryl reached the clearing where he’d left the almost empty bottle of whiskey. He wasted no time and turned in the direction he should have gone in the first place. It didn’t take Daryl long to reach the edge of the woods after that and he openly thanked the lord when he saw the gate in front of him through the spaces in the trees.

Before Daryl went back inside, he had to figure out what he was going to say. He knew that he didn’t want what he and Rick had to end, he didn’t want Rick to hold what he said against him because he didn’t mean it, not even a little bit. He knew that now.

Daryl was just about to step out of the cover of the trees when he heard a loud _snap, snap_ behind him. Before he could even turn around, he felt something solid and sharp dig in and then pull on his shoulder. He didn’t have nearly enough time to react and steady himself that he fell backwards and hit his head on a protruding tree root. The pain shot instantly through his skull, blinding him for a just a second, but that was long enough. A sudden weight landed on Daryl’s torso and he had no doubt as to what it was. He opened his eyes and saw the rotting flesh and snapping jaw, spittle and blood flying out of its’ mouth.

Daryl’s crossbow was digging painfully into his back and there was no way he could reach it. He pushed against the corpse on top of him with one hand and used his other to try and reach the knife that was sheathed at his hip. He stretched his arm as far as he could manage while trying to keep the walker off him and he believed it was sheer luck when he felt his fingers wrap around the hilt of the knife.

Daryl unsheathed his knife and sunk it into the temple of the corpse on top of him with ease. He pushed the dead weight off of him and stood up. He gave it a kick in the gut for good measure but regretted it almost instantly when his boot went straight through the fuckers’ flesh and came out the other side.

Daryl shook the stingy pieces of flesh off his shoe. He thought that he’d have to take them off before he went back inside to talk to Rick. He might even have to wash them, he didn’t think walking around with bits of dead people on your shoes was going to be acceptable in their newly found civilisation.

Again, Daryl moved to step out from the tree line and head for the gates of Alexandria but as soon as he moved his foot he felt it; a sharp, tearing pain in his shoulder. It felt like someone was clawing at his flesh. Daryl yelled out in shock and spun around only to be faced with a withering corpse clinging to his deltoid with its teeth. Daryl grabbed the walkers’ throat with his hand and pushed against it with all the force he could muster. The fucker really had a hold on him and to his horror, when he got the walker off him, he saw stands of his own muscle stuck in the bastards’ teeth.

Daryl’s shoulder was searing with pain but the adrenaline pumping through his veins kept him focused on the priority. He kicked out at the walker and wasted no time in crushing its’ skull with his boot when the fucker hit the ground.

Looking down at the lifeless corpse, Daryl realised just how screwed he was. He was in agony and blood had soaked his whole left sleeve and was dripping off his fingertips. There was no saving him now, the location of the bite meant that amputation was not an option and this wasn’t a damn snake bite, you can’t just suck out the venom and live to tell the tale.

Daryl was a dead man walking and he knew it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> daryl comes to his stupid senses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for giving you all a heart attack ;)

Daryl woke up to warm hands on either side of his face. It took him a while to realise that they were, in fact, hands and even longer to open his eyes and find out who they belonged to. He cracked his eyes open and winced instantly at the rays of sunlight that hit them. He raised his arm to shield his face and was surprised to find that there was no more pain in his shoulder. Daryl opened his eyes again and was greeted with the kind face of Aaron.

“Jesus Christ, Daryl. What were you thinking?”

“What? What time is it? Where am I?”

“It’s early. We were meant to go out recruiting this morning, I got to the gate and Spencer said you’d gone out last night and hadn’t come back. Do you have any idea how lucky you are!? You could have been eaten alive out here.” Aaron’s face was wild with fear and concern. Daryl had no idea how the man could call him lucky. Had he not seen the bite on his shoulder? He was anything but lucky.

“Aaron you should just go. Tell Rick I’m sorry, I’ll take care of this myself. Hand me your gun.” Daryl stretched his hand out waiting for Aaron to hand over his pistol. He needed to end this himself. There was no way he would let Rick see him as one of those _things_.

“Wait, wait, wait, what are you talking about?” Aaron asked.

Daryl craned his neck to look at his shoulder, shocked to see soft, undamaged cotton. The only thing he could see was an empty bottle of whiskey laying among the dried leaves and twigs. Daryl leant heavily against the log behind him and let out a long breath of relief.

“It was just a dream,” he whispered to himself. God, Aaron was right, he was one lucky bastard.

“What?” Aaron asked curiously.

“Ah, nothing, nothing. I gotta go, d’you mind if we give the run a miss today, I got shit to do.” Daryl didn’t even wait for an answer before he braced himself on the thick trunk that he had been sleeping against and got to his feet. He ignored the throbbing in his head and bent down to retrieve his bow before heading back to Alexandria, throwing an apology over his shoulder to Aaron.

* * *

 

Daryl’s hand found his way back to his shoulder as he walked through the gates of Alexandria, smoothing over the soft fabric for the thousandth time since he left Aaron back in the clearing. A rough looking man had replaced Spencer on gate duties and even though he had never met him before, Daryl smiled at him anyway.

Daryl made a beeline for the house that he and Rick shared with Carl, Michonne, Carol and Sasha. By the time he reached the front door, he was flat out running. There was no more time to waste, no more fucking around. As soon as his hand wrapped around the cool metal of the doorknob, a flood of doubt rushed through him. He hesitated for a moment, all the ‘what ifs’ making were making his head spin. Or maybe that was the alcohol…

Daryl swallowed his pride and opened the door. The house was silent except for the distant snores coming from various rooms. He crept up the stairs, past Carl’s room and past the bathroom towards Rick’s room, the room that no one knew the two of them shared. The door was ajar and Daryl could just see Rick’s foot hanging over the edge of the bed. He stopped a couple of feet from the door, thinking about what he would actually do once he stepped inside. Should he wake Rick up? Should he just wait downstairs? Should he get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness?

This was ridiculous. Daryl pushed the door open and winced as it squeaked. He skulked across the room, barely making a sound, and sunk down on the edge of the bed. He sat there for a long time, staring at the wall and listening to Rick breathe. Eventually his breathing became uneven and that’s when Daryl knew that he was awake.

“It’s only me, Rick.” He said softly, without taking his eyes off the wall. He heard Rick stir and a few seconds later, a sigh of relief.

“I didn’t know where you went. I stayed up all night waiting for you to come back.”

“I know Rick, I’m sorry, but I think I understand things better now. This world, what it is now, there isn’t room to second guess yourself anymore. There isn’t time…” Daryl let out a long breath and wiped his brow with the back of his hand. He had no idea where this conversation was going and it seemed that Rick didn’t either.

“What are you talking about, Daryl?” Rick asked, sitting up and leaning up against the headboard of the bed.

“I don’t… I’ve never had – Rick, you said you loved me.”

“Yeah, I thought that might have had something to do with you leaving.” Rick mused, mirroring Daryl’s previous movements and wiping his brow.

“No! – well, yeah, at first it did but I don’t care anymore. It doesn’t matter if you meant it or if it just slipped out or something because I’m okay with it either way.” Daryl shifted on the bed to face Rick.

The other man smiled. It started as a small pull of the lips but spread steadily wider until the former sheriff was grinning like a clown. “I meant it” was all Rick said before a warm calloused hand wrapped around Daryl’s neck and he was being pulled into a needy kiss.

In that moment, with Rick’s soft lips against his own and the faint smell of alcohol still hanging in the air, Daryl realised something, he realised even with the world falling apart around them and the dead walking among them, that this was all Daryl needed to survive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thannkyou to everyone who followed this fic to the end, all your lovely comments made me so damn happy. i love you all.

**Author's Note:**

> feedback would be appreciated :)))  
> also, check out my tumblr if u like: fidelius-charms.tumblr.com ((i accept prompts!!))


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